LEADERNESS · CONFLICT WORK
The Collusion Diagram
Understanding the cycle you're caught in — and how to break it.
HOW THIS WORKS
This exercise maps a recurring conflict.
Step 1 · Name It
Name the Conflict
Get clear on what's happening and who it's with.
What is the conflict?
With whom? (This person will be referred to as X.)
Step 2 · Diagram
The Collusion Diagram
Map the cycle — how it starts, how you respond, and how it likely lands.
Step 3 · Boxes Theory
Why Are You Colluding?
The Boxes Theory
Heart at War
When I clash with my own sense of what's right, I betray myself — and I need to justify MYSELF.
- I see others and myself as objects.
- They don't matter like I do.
- They matter more than I do.
- I matter more than they do.
What box are you in?
How do you know that you are in the box?
What brings you there?
How do you feel when you are there?
What is blocking you from going outside?
What do you need to go outside of the box?
Step 4 · Break the Pattern
Breaking the Collusion
Set the box aside and see the other person as a valuable human being.
"When I choose to act contrary to my own sense of what is appropriate, I commit an act of self-betrayal. It is a betrayal of my own sense of the right way to act in a given moment in time."
Try to let the box aside for a second, and see X as a valuable human being with their own strengths and challenges.
Step 5 · Self-Reflection
Self-Reflection
Close the loop.
Summary
What do you realize?
What will you do differently next time?
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