LeaderNess · Emotional Intelligence
The Emotional Intelligence 4-Step Process
“Emotions are there to provide you invaluable information about critical things for you”
How to use this exercise
Work through the four steps in order. Each step unlocks once you complete the one before it, so you can stay with what you find rather than skipping ahead. Take your time with Step 2 in particular — the body doesn’t rush. Everything you write is saved automatically on this device.
1
Identify
Awareness & Acceptance
2
Experience
Stay with it & feel it
3
Validate
Self-Compassion & Acknowledgment
4
Communicate & Respond
Healthy Expression & Regulation
Step 1
Identify
Awareness & Acceptance
Write as many feelings as you can that you have experienced during the last week.
No feelings added yet.
Now choose your Top 5
The feelings that tend to be stronger or more present. Tap up to 5 chips above to mark them.
0 of 5 selected
What do you realize?
Step 2
Experience
Stay with it & feel it
Choose 1 feeling from your Top 5 list.
Give yourself a second to connect with it, and feel it.
What thoughts do you have when you feel it?
Where do you feel it in your body?
e.g. tension in the body, the jaw, the fists; trembling; sweating or feeling very hot; feeling cold; noticing your heart beating...
If it was a metaphor, what would it be?
What is the basic emotion behind it?
What impact does it have on you?
If there was a voice or part of you behind it, what voice would it be?
Step 3
Validate
Self-Compassion & Acknowledgment
Try to connect the previous body experience with what triggers it.
In what situations do you feel this in your body?
What do these situations have in common?
Did you feel the desire to do something, or to express something?
e.g. getting closer or moving away, moving aggressively forward, putting on a certain facial expression...
What information is your emotion providing you?
It might tell you something about yourself, about a relationship, or about your progress toward a goal.
What need was not being met?
What type of emotion is it?
Step 4
Communicate & Respond
Healthy Expression & Regulation
Your answers so far
Since you chose to explore this feeling in Step 2
Reflect on your emotional response to the situation and try to make sense of what you are feeling.
Should you follow your feeling?
Anything you'd like to add?
Should you try to figure out what's behind that feeling?
Anything you'd like to add?
Should you try to broaden your perspective to change the feeling?
Anything you'd like to add?
Who do you want to be in that situation?
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