LeaderNess · Inner Child Work
Discovering Your Inner Child Challenges
A self-assessment across the five key stages of childhood development
Based on the work of John Bradshaw, Erik Erikson, Alice Miller, Donald Winnicott & Pete Walker
Based on the work of John Bradshaw, Erik Erikson, Alice Miller, Donald Winnicott & Pete Walker
How to use this exercise
Answer each question with Yes or No. At the end of each section you will see your count of Yeses and Nos. If the number of Yeses is larger than the number of Nos, it may indicate an inner challenge rooted in that stage of development. In case of doubt, choose No. This is a reflective tool — not a clinical diagnosis. Use it as a starting point for self-awareness and inner child work.
Section 1
The Infant
From birth to 18 months
Key Need
"Welcome to the world. I've been waiting for you. You have a right to be here. I will not leave you."
Core Conflict: Trust, Safety, and Belonging
1
Do you isolate yourself? Do you often feel you don't truly fit in or belong anywhere, preferring to be alone to feel safe?
Bradshaw — isolation as a boundary substitute when trust was never formed
2
Do you find it hard to trust people, feeling you must be in control at all times to avoid being hurt?
Bradshaw — "If I control everything, no one can catch me off guard and hurt me"
3
Do you have ingestive addictions? Do you struggle with overeating, drinking, or other oral fixations — using substances or food to fill an inner emptiness?
Bradshaw — ingestive addictions rooted in narcissistic deprivation at the oral stage
4
Do you feel empty or desperate when a relationship ends — as if without this person you cease to exist or have no value?
Bradshaw — fear of abandonment rooted in early attachment rupture
5
Do you carry a persistent, unexplained anxiety in your body — a background sense of dread or that something bad is about to happen, even when life is going well?
Peter Levine / Daniel Siegel — preverbal somatic wound stored in the body before language
Section 2
The Toddler
From 18 months to 3 years
Key Need
"It is okay to say no. It is okay to be angry. I will not leave you when you are mad. You can explore and I will keep you safe."
Core Conflict: Autonomy, Willpower, and Boundaries
1
Do you struggle to say "No"? Do you feel guilty or anxious when you stand up for yourself or assert a boundary?
Bradshaw — the child who was shamed for asserting "No" learns that self-assertion is dangerous
2
Are you afraid to explore? Do you fear trying new experiences, taking risks, or venturing outside familiar territory?
Bradshaw — fear of exploration when curiosity was shamed or punished
3
Do you experience shame about your needs? Do you feel embarrassed, weak, or ashamed when you have emotional or physical needs and have to express them?
Bradshaw — toxic shame about needs formed when a child's natural wants were met with criticism
4
Do you hoard or over-control? Do you have a compulsive need to hold on to things, money, or emotions — or conversely, give everything away with no balance?
Bradshaw — lack of balance between holding on and letting go rooted in toddler stage
5
Do you swing between extremes of keeping the peace at all costs and sudden explosive anger — as if you go from 0 to 100 with no middle ground?
Pete Walker — the Fight/Fawn flip; the child who could not say "No" safely swings between suppression and eruption
Section 3
The Preschooler
From 3 years to 6 years
Key Need
"You do not have to take care of Mummy or Daddy. You can be powerful and still be loved. Your curiosity is beautiful."
Core Conflict: Initiative vs. Guilt, Identity, Power, and Purpose
1
Do you have rigid roles? Do you feel like you must always be the "Achiever," "Caretaker," or "People Pleaser" to matter — and feel lost or anxious when you step outside that role?
Bradshaw — compulsive over-control and role-locking as a wound of this stage
2
Were you parentified? Did you feel you had to take care of a parent's emotional needs as a child — and do you still feel excessively responsible for managing how others feel?
Bradshaw — cross-generational bonding where the child becomes the parent's emotional caretaker
3
Do you feel guilty for having ambitions, desires, or needs of your own — as if simply wanting things for yourself is somehow selfish or wrong?
Erikson — Initiative vs. Guilt; the child whose natural initiative was shamed internalises guilt as the cost of wanting
4
Do you control your feelings? Do you try to suppress your emotions most of the time, or do you suddenly explode in rage or tears when you are actually scared or hurt underneath?
Bradshaw — emotional suppression and misdirected affect when feelings were not validated
5
Has your curiosity and imagination been shut down? Do you hesitate to be creative, playful, or imaginative — as if these things are childish, unsafe, or a waste of time?
Winnicott — the True Self's spontaneity is suppressed when creative expression was ridiculed or ignored
Section 4
School Age
From 6 years to 12 years
Key Need
"You can make mistakes; that is how we learn. You are valuable even when you are not achieving. I love you just for being you."
Core Conflict: Competence, Structure, and Socialization
1
Are you a perfectionist? Do you have intense fears about making a mistake, needing everything to be right before you can feel safe or acceptable?
Bradshaw — perfectionism as the overdisciplined wounded child trying to earn love through flawlessness
2
Do you compare yourself to others? Do you frequently feel inferior or believe that no matter what you do, it is never quite good enough?
Erikson — Industry vs. Inferiority; feelings of inadequacy when effort was not praised or recognised
3
Do you procrastinate? Do you have trouble starting or finishing things because of a fear of judgment or failure — avoiding the attempt to avoid the shame?
Bradshaw — the undisciplined wounded child who procrastinates to avoid the risk of being seen as inadequate
4
Do you lack basic life skills? Do you struggle with everyday organisation, negotiation, or practical adult tasks — as if a part of you never fully learned to function independently?
Bradshaw — basic ego strengths (competence, willpower, purpose) require healthy school-age development
5
Do you only feel worthy or lovable when you are being productive, successful, or useful? Does rest, play, or simply "being" feel uncomfortable or even threatening?
Alice Miller — the "gifted child" trap; worth is conditionally attached to achievement rather than being
Section 5
Adolescence
From 12 years to Adulthood
Key Need
"Your rebellion is valid. It is time for you to leave home and become yourself. I am here to support your independence to become yourself."
Core Conflict: Identity, Independence, Social Standing, and Sexuality
1
Are you constantly in conflict with authority? Do you feel enraged by rules and regulations, or rebel just for the sake of rebelling — even when it works against you?
Erikson — Identity vs. Role Confusion; rebellion as unresolved adolescent autonomy conflict
2
Do you talk about great things you are going to do but rarely take action? Do you live more in the fantasy of a future self than in the reality of your present choices?
Bradshaw — grandiosity as a defence; the wounded adolescent who dreams but does not act
3
Do you find it impossible to speak your opinion when it goes against the accepted norm of your group — conforming even when it silences who you truly are?
Erikson — the adolescent who cannot risk social rejection suppresses authentic identity for belonging
4
Do you feel like you have been performing a version of yourself your whole life — showing people who they want you to be rather than who you actually are?
Winnicott — the False Self; an adaptive persona built when authentic self-expression was unsafe or unwelcome
5
Do you have extreme difficulty with sexual or romantic intimacy — either avoiding closeness altogether, or becoming enmeshed and losing yourself in relationships?
Bradshaw / Erikson — unresolved adolescent identity leaves the individual unable to form healthy intimate bonds
LeaderNess · Summary
Your Inner Child Profile
An overview of your responses across all five developmental stages
Overall Totals — 25 Questions
0yes
0no
Complete all five sections to see your full profile.
🌱 Suggested Healing Directions
Complete the assessment to see your personalised healing directions.
Areas suggested for inner child work
Complete the assessment to see your areas.