Transforming your Reaction - The 8-step inner work exercise

Transforming your Reaction

The 8-step inner work exercise

From situation to transformation · Lead from your Forces, not your Fears

💡

Instructions

Think of a situation where you overreacted or that was really challenging for you — a moment where something felt bigger than it should, or where you found yourself stuck, flooded, or unable to respond the way you would have wanted.

Keep that moment in mind as you work through the 8 steps. The more concrete and honest you are, the more useful the exercise will be.

How to use this exercise

  • Work through each step in order — take your time before moving on.
  • Fill in steps: write your answer in the text area provided.
  • Choose steps: tick the items that feel most true — you may recognise yourself in several.
  • There are no right or wrong answers — only yours.
📄 Example of a completed exercise
Step 1 · Situation
In…A team meeting at work
When…My manager criticised my report in front of everyone without warning
Step 2 · Feelings & body
I felt…Humiliated, then rage
It was like…A wave of heat in my chest, jaw clenched, I wanted to disappear
Step 3 · Impact
Intense shame · Distrusting positive attention · Silent resentment
Step 4 · Armor
Keeping quiet · Minimizing · Suppressing emotions
Step 5 · Limiting belief
“I must be perfect” · “My feelings are wrong”
Step 6 · Source
Growing up, mistakes were met with shame. I learnt that being good enough meant being invisible and flawless.
Step 7 · Missing experience
“My emotions are valid” · “I am seen and heard”
Step 8 · New belief
When…I receive public criticism
Instead of…Going silent and swallowing the feeling
I will…Take a breath, name what I feel internally, and ask for a 1:1 to discuss the feedback
So that…I feel respected and can stay connected rather than shutting down
✎ Step 1 · Fill in

Situation

What happened?

Prompt: “In… […], when […]…”

Be specific. Name a real moment, a real person, a real place. Describe what happened — not what you interpreted or felt — just the facts.

In…
When…
✎ Step 2 · Fill in

Feelings & body

What did I feel, and where in my body?

Prompt: “I felt […], it was like […]”

Name the emotion precisely. Then locate it — chest, throat, stomach, shoulders, jaw? Describe the sensation: tight, heavy, hollow, burning?

I felt…
It was like… (where in my body)
☑ Step 3 · Choose

Impact

What was the impact on me?

Tick all that apply, then describe the impact in your own words below.

a) Emotional & psychological
b) Depression, apathy & hopelessness
c) Relational & interpersonal
d) Physical & somatic
e) Behavioural limitations
In my own words, the impact was…
☑ Step 4 · Choose

Armor / coping strategy

How do I behave to protect myself?

Tick the strategies that feel most true — you may recognise yourself in several.

a) Withdrawal / flying
b) Need / dependence
c) Control / power
d) Enduring / burden
e) Perfection / order
My coping strategy in my own words…
☑ Step 5 · Choose

Limiting belief

What is the belief hiding under my behaviour?

These are distorted lenses — not truths, even if they feel true. Tick the one(s) that resonate most.

a) Worth & lovability
b) Identity & flaws
c) Perfectionism & conditional love
d) Emotions & vulnerability
e) Belonging & significance
f) Safety, trust & needs
g) Guilt & hopelessness
The belief that feels most true for me…
✎ Step 6 · Fill in

The source

Where and when did this start?

Prompt: “This comes from… [Situation]”

Go as far back as feels true. Think early childhood, a formative relationship, a repeated pattern. You are not fixing anything here — just tracing the origin with curiosity and compassion.

This comes from…
☑ Step 7 · Choose

Missing experience

What is it that I actually need to feel?

This is not about what you need from someone else — it is about what your inner world has been missing.

a) Existence & safety
Needs & attachment
b) Power & reciprocity
Will & freedom
c) Validation & acceptance
What I actually need to feel…
✎ Step 8 · Fill in

The new belief (transformation)

What is my new path?

Your commitment to yourself. Write it as concretely and specifically as possible — the more grounded it is, the more you can return to it.

1
Next time, when… Name the moment, the person, and the trigger feeling
2
Instead of… The old habit — be specific about what you'll stop doing
3
I will… The new behaviour — concrete and specific
4
So that I will… The benefit and the feeling this will bring

Act consciously · Choose intentionally · Lead uniquely

LeaderNess · leaderness.net · For use within coaching and training contexts

Your full picture

All your answers in one place — read through them together to see the complete journey.

Step 1 · Situation
In…
When…
Step 2 · Feelings & body
I felt…
It was like…
Step 3 · Impact
Ticked items
In my own words…
Step 4 · Armor / coping strategy
Ticked items
In my own words…
Step 5 · Limiting belief
Ticked items
The belief that feels most true…
Step 6 · The source
This comes from…
Step 7 · Missing experience
What I actually need to feel…
In my own words…
Step 8 · The new belief (transformation)
Next time, when…
Instead of…
I will…
So that I will…