🎬 What can The How Do You Know teach us about Leadership?

📖 Scene: Lisa asks, “Is there one general thing that you’ve found over the years to be generally true in a general way that would help anyone in any situation?” The psychiatrist responds, “Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.”

Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.

Why Is It So Hard to Know What We Want?

That moment in How Do You Know is so simple yet incredibly powerful.

“Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it.”

Sounds easy, right? But Lisa’s response — “OK. Those are both really hard.” — show how difficult it is.

In leadership and life, we’re often too caught up in our and others’ expectations, noise, and fear to truly connect with what we want. And even if we know, asking for it feels impossible, risky, and vulnerable. Even sometimes unfair.

But this is where LeaderNess begins.

Authenticity: Be Honest With Yourself

Knowing what you want requires brutal honesty. There is a spanish expression that says: Who wants something, has to work for it.

It means stripping away what you should want, what others expect from you, and what feels safe. It means accepting the cost and implications of what you really want. Authenticity is about aligning with your values and desires, even when they don’t match the norm or there is a cost to pay.

Lisa’s struggle mirrors our own: Are we listening to ourselves, or just following the script?

Direction: Own Your Path and Speak Up

Once you figure out what you want, the next challenge is asking for it.

Direction is about having a clear sense of purpose and the courage to communicate it. Whether it’s setting boundaries, pitching a bold idea, or making life-changing decisions — leadership demands clarity and action.

Lisa recognizes that both knowing and asking are hard. But leadership isn’t about ease — it’s about intentionality.

🤼‍♂️ Your LeaderNess in Action — Impact = Forces − Fears

This scene reminds us of what happens when we let our Fears (self-work, belonging, need to proof ourselves) outshine our Forces (authenticity, direction) .

When we choose Authenticity and Direction, we break through fears of judgment, rejection, and failure. We create impact by living and leading with purpose.

So, let me ask ourselves:
👉 Do we know what we truly want?
👉 Are we asking for it?

Ready to unlock your LeaderNess?

🎬 Rewatch the scene and reflect on how it applies to your life.
💬 Share your thoughts: What’s holding you back from asking for what you want?